


How To Be Me

by WhereTheRedStringConnects



Category: Tales of Arcadia (Cartoons), Trollhunters - Daniel Kraus & Guillermo del Toro
Genre: Barbara is a good mom, Body Dysphoria, Claire just wants to support him, Douxie is awkward and I love him for it, F/F, F/M, Gen, Human Jim Lake Jr. (Tales of Arcadia), Hurt Jim, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Going to Hell, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Torture, Jim has a past he doesn't talk about, Jim just wants his troll body back, Jim needs a hug, M/M, Multi, No Beta; We Die Like Trollhunters, Please Don't Kill Me, Sorry Not Sorry, Steve just wants to be loved, Strickler is a simp, Troll Jim Lake Jr., Why Did I Write This?, only for Barbara tho, please give it back, sad jim
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:08:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26094667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhereTheRedStringConnects/pseuds/WhereTheRedStringConnects
Summary: After everything that has happened, turning back into a human wasn't what Jim was expecting nor was it what he wanted.
Relationships: Barbara Lake/Walter Strickler | Stricklander, Hisirdoux "Douxie" Casperan/Steve Palchuk, Jim Lake Jr./Claire Nuñez, Possible Draal/Jim Lake Jr. (Tales of Arcadia), Possible Hisirdoux "Douxie" Casperan/Claire Nuñez/Steve Palchut, Toby Domzalski/Darci Scott
Comments: 10
Kudos: 54





	How To Be Me

**Author's Note:**

> Let's see if I'll actually finish this one, shall we?

Jim stood in his room for the first time since the war with Gunmar; in a few hours, he’ll be leaving with Claire, Blinky and the rest of the trolls to find a new Heartstone. His room was still a mess from when he destroyed it after changing. He makes a note to apologize to his mom for it before he leaves. Shaking his head, he moves to look into his mirror, looking back at him is his new troll body. He finds that he doesn’t hate it as much as he did when he first turned, in fact, he kinda likes it. He touches the amulet on his chest and smiles, once again glad to have found it that fateful day. He concentrates on removing his armour, relaxing his body and reassuring himself and the amulet that he is safe now.

Slowly his armour fades from his body, leaving behind his now ripped clothes. After removing his old clothes he grabs the ones Strickler left for him on his bed. He takes a minute to look at his new body before putting them on. For a second he debates not looking at his now blue arms, wondering if maybe just maybe his scars would be gone with the change. God did he ever hope they would be, all they ever did was remind him of how bad he had gotten and the pain he caused his mother. How many nights did she come home to blood-soaked towels and tear-filled apologies as she bandaged his wounds? How many times did she bang on the bathroom door begging him not to take his life? 

He can remember the day she found out what he was doing behind closed doors, he can remember the tears that fell from her eyes as she cleaned his wounds. Whispering ‘why” over and over as she did so, and ‘it’s okay, you’re okay’ into his ear as she held him for dear life. He can remember the first time she found him in the bathroom holding enough pills in his hands to kill him, and how horrified she’d been. He started locking the door after that. Jim runs his hand through his hair, shaking the memories from his mind. Slowly he turns his wrist to face him, he squeezes his eyes shut for a second then opens them and peers down at his exposed skin.

There he sees them, hundreds of tiny lighter blue scars some worse than others, but all of them old enough to be scars. Of course they're there, why wouldn’t they be. He briefly wonders what Claire would say if she knew what lied under his long sleeves. If shes ever wondered why he only ever wears clothes that covered his arms. He hopes she never finds out, hopes she never asks. He knows one day she will, just like Toby did, just like his mom. But for now, he won’t tell her. He hasn’t done it in while anyways, there’s nothing to worry about so why worry her? He’s been relatively fine since he became the Trollhunter, sure he’s had relapses like when he came home from the Darklands but nothing too serious that he couldn’t handle on his own.

Sighing he puts his new clothes on, it’s not a perfect fit but they work. Once dressed he looks into his mirror once more and finds he likes the way he looks, even the troll parts. ‘I could get used to this’ he thinks. And he does, eventually, through the months of searching for a new Heartstone, he comes to love his new form. The regret of taking Merlin’s potion fades into him being glad he did so. He’s more comfortable in this new body than he ever had been in his human one and takes comfort in knowing nothing can change him back. 

Until something does turn him back.


End file.
